But we can still be friends

This post is to thank all of you who have taken an interest in this, my online diary, and to tell you that this post will be the last.

While I was going through flight training, recounting my flights made for good blog-fodder, and helped me retain the skills I was practicing.

Since graduation, the process of preparing for and applying for officer candidate school is both too personal and too tedious to make for good reading.

Even the aged barflies down Beachside eventually realize that you can't keep the party going forever. It's time to close the bar, turn on the lights and start playing the crappy techno. Or, non-metaphorically speaking, I'll be closing this blog and starting private one.

From a Pup Tent in the Mud Behind the Barracks

Shortly following the previous email was the Marine reply, predictably less humorous and considerably more moto. Since there were over sixty of these and some of them were a lot more like "facts" than self-depreciation, I've cut out all but a few of the best, ones that were either funny or just SO TRUE.

You might be a Marine if:

1. You wear your dogtags to the beach.
2. All your underwear has your laundry number on it.
3. You've ever worn out an ironing board.
4. You've financed a tattoo.
5. You call your friends "Devil Dog."
6. You've ever "locked" anybody on.
7. You have a dog named "Chesty."
8. You press your camies an hour after you get them from the cleaners.
9. You think Motrin cures things.
10. More than half of your wardrobe was purchased at a PX.
11. You've ever had razor burn on your head.
12. You've ever used the term 'very well' in normal conversation.
13. You've ever used the term "Oohrah" in any context other than sarcasm.

An Intro to Navy Life

This list went around the Navy via email, before trickling down to the Officer Candidates at Embry-Riddle. It was then forwarded to me as a helpful guide on what to expect once I join The Fleet. Most are pretty self explanatory, though number 27 has me kind of at a loss. If you know the meaning behind that one, please explain in a comment.

I love them all, but I still think the first one is the funniest.

How to Simulate Being a Sailor

1. Buy a steel dumpster, paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.
2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house exposed on the walls.
3. Repaint your entire house every month.
4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.
5. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.
6. Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore his complaints.
7. Once a month, take all major appliances apart and then reassemble them.
8. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and backdoors, so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.
9. Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.
10. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.
11. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and then getting back in.
12. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong rack."
13. Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house (dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.)
14. Have your neighbor come over each day at 5am, blow a whistle so loud Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, reveille, all hands heave out and trice up."
15. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6am while she reads it to you.
16. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law requesting permission to leave your house before 3 PM.
17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not.
18. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.
19. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.
20. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their battle stations.
21. Make your family menu a week ahead of time without consulting the pantry or refrigerator.
22. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When they finally get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.
23. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.
24. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on stale bread.
25. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and uncoil the garden hose.
26. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog in the pool and shout "Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.
27. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again 'Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.
28. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.
29. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.
30. For former engineers: bring your lawn mower into the living room, and run it all day long.
31. Make coffee using eighteen scoops of budget priced coffee grounds per pot, and allow the pot to simmer for 5 hours before drinking.
32. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.
33. Sew the back pockets of your jeans on the front.
34. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.
35. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Disney World for "liberty." At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Disney World has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.

Political Trend(ing)

#GreenNY and #IranElection are trending on Twitter again, apparently because of Ahmadinejad's mere presence in NY.


Interesting stuff on TwitPic:

Ready or Not

Possibly because I feel like the rest of my OCS application is looking pretty good, I really wanted a perfect PRT score to top it all off. A call from my recruiter convinced me that speed was more important than perfection. In my usual fashion, I give you the transcript of the call, heavily edited for length and entertainment value.

Officer Recruiter: "So...what's taking so long? You need to come up here to do your PRT."

Me: "I'd like to bring my run time down."

OR: "Look, chickie. You have the degree, the test score and the application. But you're never going to get in to OCS if you never finish your package."

Me: "Yeah, but I really..."

OR: "If you don't finish your app this week it won't go before the boards until January."

Me: "I'll see you Wednesday."